sometimes, its better to not know

bacause your imagination is always better.

top 'o th' mornin to ya!

HOlY moLEY! It's march!

well, I'm obsessive...

I've watched The Dark Knight 4 times in the last 4 days. I'm obsessed with the Joker. ...more so with Heath Leger (sp?) 's interp.

::i've been extremely pensive... i could hit you all very hard with it, or i could give you the train of thought::

(random thought: it took me 11 years to get over someone)
(that has a quite unfortunate blow quality to it)



Joker
is heath leger (or however you want to complicate that wording)

heath leger
is a method actor

a method actor
is one who does not drop "character" until the "gig" is done.
-------------there are rumors, if you will, that heath's method-ness is a part of the reason he cracked and done himself in.

I like to be everyone
i actually develop new characters every day


Leave the bright blue door on the white-washed floor.
Leave the death ledger under city hall.
Leave the joyful air in that rubber ball today.

Just leave the lilac print on the linen sheet.
Leave the bird you killed at your father's feet.
Let the sideways rain in the crooked street remain.

Leave whimpering dog in his cold kennel.
Leave the dead starlet on her pedestal.
Leave the acid kids in their green fishbowls today.

Leave the sad guitar in its hard-shell case.
Leave the worried look on your lover's face.
Let the orange embers in the fireplace remain.

Cause everything must belong somewhere.
The train off in the distance, bicycle chained to the stairs.
Everything must belong somewhere.I know that now, that's why I'm staying here.

Leave the ocean's roar in the turquoise shell.
Leave the widower in his private hell.
Leave the liberty in that broken bell today.

Leave the epic poem on its yellowed page.
Leave the grey macaw in his covered cage.
Let the traveling band on the interstate remain.

Cause everything must belong somewhere.
Sound-stage in California, televisions in Times Square.
Everything must belong somewhere.I know that now, that's why I'm staying here.
Yeah I know that now that's why I'm staying here.

Leave the secret talk on the trundle bed.
Leave the garden tools in the rusted shed.
Leave those bad ideas in your troubled head today.

Leave the restless ghost in his old hotel.
Leave the homeless man in his cardboard cell.
Let the painted horse on the carousel remain.

Cause everything must belong somewhere.
Just like the gold around your finger and the silver in his hair.
Yeah, everything must belong somewhere.I know that now, that's why I'm staying here.
I know that now, that's why I'm staying here.

In truth, the forest hears each sound
Each blade of grass as it lies down.
The world requires no audience.
no witnesses, no witnesses.

Leave the old town drunk on his wooden stool.
Leave the autumn leaves in the swimming pool.
Leave the poor black child in his crumbling school today.

Leave novelist in his daydream tune.
Leave the scientist in her rubik's cube.
Let true genius in the padded room remain.

Leave horses hair on the slanted bow.
Leave the slot machines on the riverboat.
Leave the cauliflower in the casserole today.

Leave the hot bright trash in their shopping malls.
Leave the hawks of war in their capitals.
Let the organs moan in the cathedral remain.

Cause everything must belong somewhere.
They locked the devil in the basement, God up into the air.
Yeah, everything must belong somewhere.You know it's true, I wish you'd leave me here.
Yeah, You know it's true, why don't you leave me here?
-bright eyes, "i must belong somewhere"

I know who i am

and what i want to do.

South Eastern Idaho Snow Angel Festival

or something.

My mom's mom was diagnosed with Leukemia in March of 2002. The doctor gave her 6 months to live.
He clearly did not know my Grandma. There is something to be said about denial.
(In fact my neighbor, who has been a very close friend to my family since before i was born, was diagnosed with cancer and given 6 months to live. About 7 years later, he'd finally had enough)

I got my mission call in May. Taiwan, Tai Zhong.
On my birthday in June, i was returning a book to a neighbor when they invited me to go with them across the country to see the Nauvoo temple--and 8 others. Why not!?
I don't think i saw Grandma out of the hospital that whole summer. but,boy! did we laugh a lot reminiscing with her!
My mom told us we needed to pay attention to her button-pushing for medication, because we would have to do that for her someday... my sister's reply was, "No, mom, we're going to have to climb the mountain and find the pieces of you, when you go!" That's my MOM!!
I will be surprised if i go any differently

I entered the MTC on September 18th. the night before, i was set apart and my fam--including my Grams and my Uncle Dan, and several cousins-- we were settling down, and finishing the night at my parentals casa. As i talked to my Grandma, i knew it would be the last time i would see her in this world. It seems so much sadder now. I realize that she also knew it would be the last time she would see me. I love my Grandma. She's the only grandparent i've ever known, and life truly does seem a little emptier without her.
Every Christmas Eve we went to her house for Christmas dinner, and games and to open some presents. She always put her tree on her living room table, where her lamp usually was. I always loved the angel she put on top.
When my cousin got married, in November, they sent me pictures. Grandma was stunning in blue. :)
In January, I got a call from my Mission President letting me know Grandma kicked it. She was on terminal patient pain killers, and was hilarious to the last! A little off her rocker, but funny!
Best of all, HAH! ...we've been estranged from my grandpa for years. He was wretched to my mom growing up, unfaithful to my Grandmother, and forced my aunt into a less-than-healthy marriage so that he could finally walk away. ...HAH!! My mom was sitting with my Grandma--she had moved in, to take care until the last moment--holding her hand and talking her through the end of her bitterness for her ex-husband. Ironically, it was his birthday! Jan 11. Mom told her, "today is his birthday, if you really want to get back at him for good, you could go today." HAH!!!! (i have a rather morbid sense of humor...) And she did!!
"like which fury, hell hath no" ?
I came home in April.
i really don't like funerals, i haven't been to one in a very long time, so it all worked out just fine. My MTC roomies and i had sung "the lord is my Shepherd" on a tape and i sent it home. they played it at her graveside service. so i was there. kind of.
Every Christmas that i've been in IF we've gone out to where she's buried in Shelley, and give her snow angels!
my Aunt thinks it's obscene, but i think Grandma likes it.
I love my Grandma.

It must be Christmas.

Since last Thursday, we've had about 2 feet of snow, easily.
I don't think i've seen that much in a while!

It sounds like more if i say 24 inches in the last week...

In fact! I tried to take my beautiful Beast to my sisters house to commandeer my nephews bed (he isn't using it and i need one). The burban doesn't have 4 wheel drive!!! It took me a long time to get out of the driveway, and then i almost didn't make it up the street!
And i certainly didn't make it to my sisters house!!
I can't believe my muse, my love doesn't have 4wheel drive!!!
it's a suburban!!!
I feel betrayed!

Not only did we use Jimmy to get my bed, i fit the rest my stuff in there to haul it down to my new house!
My burban let me down. That's ok. This love is an endless love. there will be other burbans. ones with 4 wheel drive. i have better relationships with cars, anyway.

That was Christmas Eve, by the by. And it was spent in a car, unloading schtuff, and waiting at the airport for Mommy's plane to land. Christmas dinner was *laughing* Denny's. We got home just before midnight, and i slept until 2 this afternoon!
AND
roads were closed today because of all the snow and wind, so i haven't seen any other family, either!
needless to say, it does NOT feel like Christmas, to me.
maybe tomorrow.
maybe when we get each other gifts, or go give Grandma snow angels.

A Mark, a Mission, a Brand, a Scar

I'm moving to South Jordan. I've been in need of moving on, and I just don't feel like I can do it while i'm living at home. I've been interviewing, and I have a place to stay (at this point, they would all be disappointed if i didn't move in!) and it really just feels right to be here.
I've never been very career oriented, so this company i've been interviewing with feels a little restrictive, but i absolutely love what they are about. Which is financial services, emphasis on service.

I want to get my fashion certificate at SLCC--somehow i just feel this intense draw to Salt Lake City. Maybe after that i'll go for a masters in SF. I know what a want to pursue, i'm not sure what i'd do with it.... does it matter?!?! (well, yes, but i'm too exhausted to think about that, right now....)

i'm thinking i might go back to IF and work for a little bit--while i don't have to pay food and rent... we'll see.

and that's my update