30 September 2008

oooh baby

I generally take Jimmy around whenever i require means of transportation.

Tonight, however, i took the 'Burban.
I knew i loved those beasts!! lovelovelove


Jimmy: (as in a GMC)
bumpy ride
squeaky, clackity, rickety-rackity
no lumbar support
awkward seat position (for me)
NO way to be comfortable in those seats
sticky steering
decent junk space
still only seats 5

Burban: (also a GMC)
smooth, beauty ride
electical system hums a little
lumbar support
very natural driver position and seat shape--for me
easy, intuitive handling
plently of room to haul friends
or belongings
or both.

confession--i've always loved suburbans. i think i might live in one, someday. Many people find it hard to steer them, especially backing up-
not me. i find the suspension and turning radius very intuitive, like i don't even have to look when i'm backing. even into small spaces. like the ghetto booty i never had...

oh how i love suburbans! you sit up high, so you can see for miles, and over the tops of the stubby sedans and compacts in your way. Your V-8 roar intimidates even the flashy SUV's and no one dares remain in your way. *sigh* you uber-consume fuel but your towing and hauling capabilities cry out that you're worth every barrell. The sweet, sweet details of your interior suggest you were made to be in it for the long haul, and even the over-nighter.
alas! i miss bench seats

27 September 2008

I know the feeling

I think there's a difference between "spontaneity" and my leaving town on a whim.

I was curled up in the reclined driver's seat out in front of my aunt's house at midnight having this thought when Spaz called.

I left Thursday night at 7 to go see my friend, Spaz, in Boise.
four and a half hours later, i was getting directions from him to get to his cousin's house when his phone died!! Yeah, at that moment the beauty and convenience of cell phones didn't command much magnitude for me.

AND! usually when your phone is off and someone calls, it goes straight--straight--to voice mail. His phone didn't. It rang and rang until his voice mail picked up, so i was worried (admittedly more about myself). I drove back out to the road i'd turned onto--just in case it was a spotty reception kind of thing--no dice.
Tried a text--nothing.
so i went through my contacts to find someone who also knew Spaz, and his number. BEX!! A dear dear, sweet mutual friend.
I woke her up-it was after 11--but i was in the middle of nowhere Kuna Idaho, and i needed to find my Spaz!
Bex couldn't get to him, either
ok, so ... i could turn around and drive back to IF
or... i could call my aunt--at mid-freaking-night--and see if i could stay there, try Spaz again in the morning.
or i could sit where i was ... and wait. ... for something.

i called my aunt.
If you think she answered you're probably addicted to fairy tales, which i no longer believe in (however, like a schlamiel, i still get suckered).

I drove to her house, and tapped on the door lightly.
don't hold your breathe--no one answered (her daughter, my cousin, lives there, too. my cousin has a baby, and i was hoping for the possibility that she could possibly, at that moment, be up with little Michael...
so i set my phone alarm and settled into the idea of getting a few hours of sleep and then see what happens. Sleep tends to straighten out the mind a little, then i might decide to stay the whole night parked on Maverick, visit the relats, see if Spaz finds me...
or just go home...

cue my cell phone--an unknown ID number
ensuing drama and the telling thereof. funny enough, he called Bex as well, to get my number (more complicated than that....)

2AM!! we giggled around his cousins house, went to Denny's and giggled while we ate nasty midnight food, and then went back to cousins house and giggled while we watched youtube videos

then i fell asleep--fun could ensue in the morning. after sleep. mmm sleep.

I'm the Luckiest kid in the world to have a friend like Spaz.

19 September 2008

Letting go

I have skinny wrists....

I like to watch movies.

I'm rather an atypical person. I was recently, well, recently-ish dumped by my fiance. *aside: i used to be uncomfortable with 'boyfriend/girlfriend' i think i'm going to add 'fiance' to that as well... for a little while...* i haven't been angry about it. mostly i've been extremely hurt, very depressed, and in a state of denial.
Here, about three months later, for reasons i don't feel like explaining, i was ready to be angry. That past very quickly, as it usually does--i'm not big on being angry. And now i feel VERY ready to just let go. Leave the drama behind, eradicate physical evidence, and flush memories to make room for moving on and laughing a LOT.
i feel great.

10 September 2008

I don't believe in self esteem

I think it's a concept that is misleading and self-defeating. Definitely a mis-nomer. To take a step back and guage how one esteems oneself can be something of a waste of time--especially if that someone suffers from "low self esteem." Here! take a moment to discern how you feel about yourself!! Or, if someone definitely does not have a problem thinking well of themselves, here--enjoy a moment taking pleasure in deciding how much you realy like yourself.

You may be catching my point. Maybe not...

Self-worth is not judged reflectively by an individual--it is INHERANT. and it is great beyond human comprehension. Nobody needs to spend a single errant moment guaging it because it is fixed. It's more like, LOOK! You are amazing! Go let your inner light prove that to you!!

Instead of high or low self esteem, it's about doubting or not doubting your own self worth. Realizing or being unaware of your inherant stellarness.

Does this mean you ignore the topic alltogether? NO. Self worth should not be viewed as an assessment, but instead as a fact, a constant; entirely based on our relationship with Jesus Christ. Actually His with us.

really, self shouldn't be studied subjectively. Developing a positive self concept has a great deal to do with forgetting yourself--becoming so very involved in something... something not illegal or self-destructive--that you aren't aware of yourself.

Its a balance every individual has to find ("unbalanced" has much more meaning...)

I don't think social awkwardness has anything to do with self concept--they tend to hook up and walk hand in hand, but not because they come together.

I'm tired

07 September 2008

A day in the life of Amy--its all gonna change

I was awakened this "morning," at about 11:45, by a phone call from my ward clerk. I didn't answer it--i didn't have a good enough signal.
I called him back. as soon as i got upstairs.

it was noon, i had an interview with the Pres. at 12:30, and meetings start at 1. I'm not gonna lie--i didn't rush. wasn't worried in the least. (this has a lot to do with the fact that i don't really care what i look like, and we don't actually start Sacrament meeting until 10 after the hour. Waiting for as many people as possible. 8:30 AM and 1PM meetings are pretty much the same as far as getting people there...)

A calling in the RS pres. was extended to me--which i knew was coming--and i was REALLY excited to accept it.
I was sustained and set apart during the block.

I have something to do now!!!

i'm speaking and teaching next sunday, and i get to start visiting and 'bonding' with my sistahs this week. YAY!!! FRIENDS!!

i'm thinking about going out and putting some real effort into getting a job, this week, too. we'll see. I really like that trampoline...

"We live in a culture that believes worth is inherant, yet still measure worth based on some kind of percieved success."

(The following conversation is real. The names have been changed, and the dialogue has been edited for clarity. Jared does not hear Jon, but Ava and Jon can hear all) Truth

Jared: That quote is funny and ironic
Ava: yes. fortunately, i'm not swept away by molding culture
don't get me wrong--the church is perfect. the people...... create moldy culturized versions of perceived perfection
Jared: my curiosity is enticed by silly messed up culture
Ava: explain
Jared: I love culture... in general I just think it's the most interesting thing. even the messed up stuff
Ava: i don't disagree with you
Jared: cause "messed up" is just a perception of opionion.
Ava: ahh, but how do you bring culture and truth together, if you believe truth is eternal--or does culture develop outside of truth?
Jared: truth is eternal. but there is not such a thing as perfect culture. it's like saying that there is a best meal for everyone.
Ava: yeah, so any culture is a deviation from truth
yes no?
Jared: I don't know if I understand. I don't see culture as ever equalling truth. culture is shared opionions.
Ava: i guess it would come down to a definition of truth
here, again--don't get me wrong, i LOVE cultural differences
Jared: truth is things at they actually are
Ava: so... does it change over time?
Jared: truth can't change unless the facts change. such as your age. right?
Ava: so, truth and fact are not synonymous?
Jared: they are the same to me
Ava: that or age is not fact--just birth-date...
if facts can cahnge and truth does not.... they are clearly not the same....
Jared: truth can change, but only in the way that facts change. The turth is today is tuesday, but tomorrow it wont be
Ava: ah, but is that truth, or just a cultural label? in china its the second day of the week, not tuesday.
Jared: I get what you are going at, but truth can be created.
Ava: then it isn't eternal
Jared: I guess some things that are true aren't and some things arent. like how the meanings of words change. what do you think?
do you think there needs to be another word for it? maybe it's too ambigiuos because there are unchangable truths like laws of physics
Ava: laws of physics, though--describe observations so consistant and universal, they're called truth because they don't change
Jon: Interesting conversation.
Still, physics changes as our understanding changes.
I agree with you that culture is simply our understanding of basic truths that never change. Our understanding of the principle might change, but the underlying truth is eternal.
The days of the week thing....

Jared: well truth is only a word with the perception which you associate it. Words are only there to describe.
Ava: as culture and society change so do the meanings we assign to the systems within them. such as words.
Jared: so truth for you are the things that dont change, and truth to me is things as they really are.
Ava: Truth to me is things as they are, were, and ever will be.

05 September 2008

I was recently sent on assignment to figure out what i want my life to be.

It isn't really that i have no idea so much as there are so many possibilities! But i also believe that happiness is a choice, so... does it really matter what my life is, so long as i have the freedom to choose and change it as i please...?

actually, i would put one stipulation into that--that every night when i go to sleep, or every morning when i wake up, i have a husband--whom i adore and adores me back--with me.

not that i need a husband to be happy, but that thats what i want my life to be. I find it so much more fulfilling to serve someone, to sacrifice for someone... and lets face it--as much as i love you, Matti--a roommate doesn't really cut it.

02 September 2008

For those who don't work, it's just another weekend

The dates being what they were (yes, indeed, i could vague that up), my family decided tog o camping for labor day weekend. Cave Falls campgroup--and the actual falls--are just inside the Yellowstone park borders in the very southwest corner. In the very small chunck of Yellowstone that's actually in Idaho. I love camping, and the falls...

I REALLY miss camping in a tent! my bed made into the table, so when i felt a little tired, a little nappy, i couldn't just go to my tent and lay down for a while. couldn't go lay down at all!

i'm not bitter. campers have heaters--i am grateful for that.

i also miss Firefox. It has a built-in spellcheck.

I had intended to take more pitures... i didn't, but i took a video of Old Not-so-Faithful.

I have an inordinant lack of enthusiasm for the geysers. living in SE idaho, and being an outdoor lot, my family has gone to Yellowstone park at least once a year for most of my life--sometimes twice. I have seen the park and its "most captivating" geysers easily 40 times or so... and i get bored pretty quickly. And with all the theories and crazy environmentalist vigilantes, spending time in the park just isn't quite as fun to me... unless i have an audience to get laughing! :) That also gets me yelled at by those environ-antes. You can tell that my feelings are really hurt and i've changle my ways... HAH!!!