Shades of Vague

i've always liked to hide.
to be unknown, but not necessarily unseen...
deliberately difficult and vague to a hideous fault.

want to know why?

right like i'd stop doing and being that now!
actually i'd like to.

i've been described as transparent--in a good way, what you see is what you get. But i've also been described as prickly and difficult to get to know.
at the moment, those don't seem mutually exclusive...

who hasn't, at some point been trapped in an older sibling's or parent's shadow? who hasn't had a difficult highschool experience?
so why am i so defensive, and evasive? Why do i always feel like i'm inferior and under attack? why do i feel so impelled to detach and avoid?
well, there are some reasons... but not enough.

are all people as inconsistent as i am? and i mean to the degree that you cannot predict how i'll react from situation to the next... or can you?

here's a great one for the uber-thinkers: what is the balance of not being pensive enough to not be shallow and flakey, but impulsive enough to embrace life?
blah!